There is so much hatred in our national discourse these days that it wears on even the most interested observers. So why not take a break from the hatred and enjoy some random thoughts, observations, and silly stories. Yes, it's OK to laugh at the stupidity or pain of others.
Wouldn’t a vampire walrus look a lot like a regular walrus?
Therapy is a software update while surgery updates your hardware
If you are afraid to check your account balance, you probably need to check your account balance
It’s 2019 and we still can’t match the number of hot dogs to the number of hot dog buns in each package
Why does the package of socks I buy have a zip lock top while the marshmallow bag does not?
Money and sex only feel important when you don’t have either
A noise cancelling toilet would be a great invention
You have exactly as much will power as you think you have
Biscuits and gravy is just one form of flour & milk poured over another form of flour & milk
The 2 C’s in accident make different sounds
Job interviews are basically just people seeing if you are cool enough to join their club
Male country singers talk about how cool they are to their women while female country singers talk about how bad their men are.
Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
Women spend more time thinking about what men are thinking than men actually spend thinking
In Tokyo, gangs are using drones to deliver drugs. The police have begun using drones armed with nets to bring down the drug delivering drones. The gangs are using similar drones to attack police drones. In a story about the situation, a police spokesman said that police work hasn't been this much fun in decades. I want to play!
At some point you just give up and realize it's time to drink and wait for the police. Benny Ramirez broke into 4 different stores in a strip mall in Hoboken by dropping through the roof of pizza parlor. After not being able to break into the ATM, he crawled through the attic into the nail salon, got a bit of cash. Back to the attic and into a liquor store where he loaded up on bottles of booze before breaking a hole in the wall to gain access to a dollar store. After realizing he couldn't break out, he sat down, drank the booze and passed out on a shelf. The store manager did not find him until 2 hours after opening when he heard snoring coming from an aisle. Police had already wrapped up their investigation of the break ins and had to come back to the store to make the arrest.
Seriously, bring back lawn darts or put me in charge of who gets to reproduce, because we seem to be creating more and more idiots. Off to Russia where Shakur surprised his girlfriend by dropping down to one knee and popping the question in front of about 3 dozen people. It was completely unexpected but not for the most common reasons. The unidentified object of Shakur's love was actually standing in front of a judge awaiting her sentencing after being convicted of attempted murder; of Shakur. The woman had become angry with Shakur and stabbed him 13 times before he was able to get away and get help. Shakur arrived to testify at her sentencing hearing when he pulled a ring from his pocket, got down on bended knee and popped the question. He then asked the judge to be lenient so the 2 could plan their nuptials. The woman said yes and the judge decided to postpone the hearing until after the wedding. Are you kidding me? The judge may actually let her go if she marries her intended victim?! See, the gene pool needs a really good cleansing. Let me do it, please.