Adversity builds character. I have heard that statement most of my life. I have always taken that to mean that we learn from negative experiences and continue to grow as individuals through that experience. One of my best friends, a former college basketball coach, would always say that adversity does not build character, it reveals it. I think the truth is somewhere in between those two statements. We take the character we have built previously in our lives into every situation we face. Hopefully, we learn from that and it strengthens the positive characteristics we possess while diminishing the negative characteristics.

Because of recent events, I am now tending towards the idea that facing adversity reveals character more than it does build character. We have all seen the vitriol and hatred that is permeating our national discussions about several political and social issues ranging from how we are handling the pandemic to racial issues. Holding different opinions about any of these issues has gotten to the point that friends and family members are at each other's throats. I have seen more hateful blanket statements about different groups, including an increase in threats of physical violence or even death for those that disagree with someone, than I can recall in my lifetime. While there are many calls for having a national discourse or discussion, it seems that many people don't really want to have a discussion that is open and honest, they would prefer to browbeat others into adopting their point of view.

In the last several weeks I had discussions with people that I consider to be friends but who hold differing political views than I do about starting a group page where we could have an open and honest discussion about our viewpoints, experiences, and opinions without the threat of being ridiculed, belittled or called hateful names. Each of them said that it was a great idea and they would participate willingly. Unfortunately, none of them did. There were several people who jumped at the idea to have an honest collegial discussion and that resulted in finding common ground in some of our differing opinions. It has been a nice experience for the most part and I think something that is much needed in society at large.

But while I hoped that this would carry over into other discussions, I have been sorely disappointed. I have watched some of these people who participated in my little experiment go to other pages, including my personal page, and begin engaging in the same habits that I had hoped they would abandon. For the most part two of my more active participants quit listening and as I watched them respond to other people's posts or opinions, they returned to being hateful. Most importantly and sadly, they quit listening. They would read two or three sentences of a post and then go find information that contradicted what they thought the person was saying.

I understand changing habits takes time. I also understand that the person must want to change. I am still a firm believer that we can entertain opposing views without having to adopt them, but I am somewhat diminished in that belief now. Primarily because I believe we will not see change unless it comes with each of us making that change. We're not going to see true change from Washington DC or Santa Fe, we are not going to see it in our neighborhood, our town, our county. True and lasting change always starts with the individuals of a community, a state, or a nation. And if we cannot have these honest and open discussions that remove the emotional antagonism that some people feel for others, we will continue down the path upon which we are currently traveling. And if we continue down that road, there will certainly be change but not the change that many profess to want to see. We will become a nation that is more divided, more hateful, and more violent than at any time in our history.