A Little Bit from Elaine

Elaine Carlson will provide weekly columns to the Beat.

On 2010 Thanksgiving my husband Brad and I went to Breathe Inn near Lake Roberts to have our holiday dinner --- that was before the place became Little Toad Creek Brewery and Distillery.

Soon after we started to drive home (we hadn't been on the road for even five minutes) we got a flat tire. Brad got out of the car and started to fix the tire when a cat went up to him. That cat went around and around my partner's legs and I guess I should add was purring the whole time.

He opened the door and the cat jumped in. He told me, "We are taking her with us."

A woman came out of one of the houses along the street. She told him that the day before a man had driven up and let three cats out of his car before turning around and driving away. She said she thought the guy may have driven there from Silver City. We looked but didn't see the other two cats.

Brad already had a cat so he said it would be mine. I decided to name her Clara after the dancer in the Nutcracker Ballet. Clara was content and quiet for all of the drive home.

Not Surgery In An Arizona Hospital
By Elaine Carlson

Prince Charles was born November 14, 1948 and celebrated his 73rd Birthday Sunday. His mother Queen Elizabeth II was born April 21, 1926 and had her 95th Birthday this year.

Over the weekend Buckingham Palace announced the Queen will not be able to go to the COP26 Climate Conference in Scotland because she sprained her back.

Mark Landler [NY Times 11/14/2021] reported, "The palace offered no additional details about the circumstances or severity of the queen's back sprain, though an official said that she had not been hospitalized and hoped to continue carrying out 'official light duties' in the coming week. The queen has curtailed public appearances on the advice of doctors after what palace officials described as exhaustion, following a busy autumn of events."

Reflections by Elaine Carlson

Suddenly I know I have to watch Dave Chappelle. I have heard so much about him it is difficult for me to hold back. I realize he has been around for some time but I just became aware of him because of the recent controversy – from being accused of being disrespectful to trans.

So I watched his "Closer" and "Sticks and Stones."

He is good. You can talk about him without having to put Air Quotes around Comedy Routine. In addition to being funny he is --- outrageous, raunchy, vulgar and obscene, and he is relevant, irrelevant, a bad ass and --- . Do I have to put in provocative?

The day after I saw those two shows the news came out that Mort Sahl died. In his sweater and while holding a newspaper he could have given a knockout performance with Chappelle's material. And the reverse is certainly true. Just imagine what could be --- "Now in theaters – Dave Chappelle as Mort Sahl in the movie about that legendary comic."

Another Short Story from Elaine Carlson

"Harry is dead," Margaret said. "What should we do?"

"One of us can call the police," I say. "Maybe you should get away from here. The cops could consider you to be a person of interest."

"Oh Jane," she said. "You always like to joke. But are you going to call this in?"

"Yep. I will do that."

Why did something like this have to happen now? And why did she think this morning would be the perfect time to visit Mr Muhall? If I had been the one to find him dead I would have just closed the door. Tonight would be soon enough to report his death. But now I know things shouldn't be put off.

Classes start Tuesday and I still don't have the room set up. And before Friday I need to run about a zillion errands.

By Elaine Carlson

Yesterday I looked online to see if some of my recent book orders had been shipped. I was surprised when I clicked on the Product Information icon to not get a list of the titles for that order but to be given the information that the shipment consisted of Bound Printed Material.

I had never thought of it before but I realize that books are indeed Bound Printed Material. And that expression is broad enough to include manuscripts being held together by two pieces of cardboard and a rubber band. Maybe the drivers for the shipping companies aren't always careful about inspecting the items they pick up so handwritten manuscripts held together by two pieces of cardboard and a rubber band are sometimes referred to as Bound Printed Material.

When I was online I found out that one of the orders had already been delivered. And that the day before one was in Glendale Heights Illinois at 7:56 PM and another one had made it to Reno Nevada at 4:49 PM. I was happy to know that soon I can expect to get the chance to read something from my recent purchase of Bound Printed Material.

By Elaine Carlson

It is difficult for me to stop thinking about the Elizabeth Holmes Fraud Trail.

I have been getting antsy and I almost wish the proceedings were further along so I won't have to wait so long to learn how it turns out. I just hope she and her defense team are not the ones bringing out the champagne after the verdict is read.

For a short time I would like to pay less attention to Holmes and shift my focus to the shyster who according to Wikipedia defrauded thousands of investers out of a total of $64.8 billion in the largest ever Ponzi Scheme.

On March 12, 2009 the stock broker, investment adviser, and financer Bernie Madoff pleaded guilty to 11 felonies. He was sentenced to 150 years in prison and ordered to pay restitution of $170 billion.

By Elaine Carlson

“When I think back
On all the crap I learned in high school.
It's a wonder
I can think at all.”

Just the other day I thought of Paul Simon's hit “Kodachrome” when I was reading “Weight Loss Myths” in “TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) Magazine.”

The first myth it attempts to demolish is on the importance of breakfast for a succesful weight loss efffort. It claims that people who skip breakfast don't have any greater chance of overeating during the day than people who eat that meal.

Being told that something I had grown up thinking was as true as 2 + 2 = 4 is a myth had a big effect on me. Paul Simon's lyrics were on my mind all day.

“When I think back/ On all the crap I learned in high school/ It's a wonder/ I can think at all.”

A Sbort Short Story by Elaine Carlson

"To Make A Long Story Short …"

"I am in a rush," I say. "I will get back."

I am a little shocked at myself for cutting off my mother. I wasn't rushed at all but I didn't want to listen to the ten thousand words she would use to tell me her short version. She will tell others so I can depend on someone to give me a recap.

I work in the ER. I am the first person walk-in patients see. A cousin once said the biggest part of my job is giving out the forms that need to be filled out and telling people where the bathrooms are. That isn't really true. I always have to decide if I should tell a patient to take a seat or to go to triage. You could say I triage for the triage nurse.

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