By Abe Villarreal

In the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Jim Carrey plays the role of Joel, a troubled man filled with grief over a woman he can barely remember. He tries to remember her, but his memories are quickly fading. Joel, and many others in his community, had a medical procedure done to erase the memories of loved ones, including former pets.

Imagine that? Being able to completely erase something for which you never want to think of again. The movie makes a convincing case that people are happier not thinking of something or someone that might make them cry.

While I loved the movie, I really disliked the idea that as a society we should only be filled with happiness. After all, what is happiness? Is it truly everlasting? I don’t think so. Like any other human emotion, happiness comes and goes, and it doesn’t always happen when we expect it. I’m happy writing, and I am happy that you are reading. Still, later today, I might be disappointed about something, and that’s o.k.

We often hear the clichés about not knowing successes until we experience failures. We like these clichés because we need something to help us justify our failures. We don’t want disappointments to feel like real disappointments, we want them to feel like necessary elements of success.

I feel the same way about happiness. I don’t really know how happy I am unless I know of all the alternatives, and I don’t really know about all the alternatives unless I experience them. And knowing all this, as a society, we do everything we can to avoid experiencing the alternatives. Failure is not an option!

I’m o.k. with failures, sadness, crying, and bad moments. From them, I get to understand the complexities of the human experience. Growing up, I remember my parents always tried to showcase their kids as the best kids around. To others, we were well-mannered and obedient, and while that was the case a lot of the times, it wasn’t always.

My youngest brother ended up in juvenile detention. I ditched classes throughout my senior year in high school. My parents are now divorced. What do we have to hide? We are experiencing life just like everyone else, with highs and lows, happiness and sadness.

There is a scene in the movie where Joel walks into the doctor’s office to inquire about having the memory-erasing procedure. There are several people in the waiting room, crying, holding pictures and mementos that remind them of what makes them sad. Joel comes back with a trash bag filled with everything that reminds him of his ex-girlfriend. He needs to get rid of all items that might remind him of her.

What the characters forget is that what makes us sad is always rooted in love. Without love, sadness cannot exist. You cannot feel sorry for something or wish someone better without feeling sincere love.

When someone asks you “How’s it going?” and you smile and say “fine” or “good,” you lose the opportunity to make a deeper connection with someone who cares enough to find out what really is happening in your life.

I do it all the time and I shouldn’t. I think we are better off in letting our guard down and sharing with others not only the happy moments, but the tough moments that remind us the real meaning of happiness.

We can’t erase sadness, but we can use it to make others happy.

Abe Villarreal writes about life and culture in southern New Mexico. He can be reached at abevillarreal@hotmail.com.

 

Content on the Beat

WARNING: All articles and photos with a byline or photo credit are copyrighted to the author or photographer. You may not use any information found within the articles without asking permission AND giving attribution to the source. Photos can be requested and may incur a nominal fee for use personally or commercially.

Disclaimer: If you find errors in articles not written by the Beat team but sent to us from other content providers, please contact the writer, not the Beat. For example, obituaries are always provided by the funeral home or a family member. We can fix errors, but please give details on where the error is so we can find it. News releases from government and non-profit entities are posted generally without change, except for legal notices, which incur a small charge.

NOTE: If an article does not have a byline, it was written by someone not affiliated with the Beat and then sent to the Beat for posting.

Images: We have received complaints about large images blocking parts of other articles. If you encounter this problem, click on the title of the article you want to read and it will take you to that article's page, which shows only that article without any intruders. 

New Columnists: The Beat continues to bring you new columnists. And check out the old faithfuls who continue to provide content.

Newsletter: If you opt in to the Join GCB Three Times Weekly Updates option above this to the right, you will be subscribed to email notifications with links to recently posted articles.

Submitting to the Beat

Those new to providing news releases to the Beat are asked to please check out submission guidelines at https://www.grantcountybeat.com/about/submissions. They are for your information to make life easier on the readers, as well as for the editor.

Advertising: Don't forget to tell advertisers that you saw their ads on the Beat.

Classifieds: We have changed Classifieds to a simpler option. Check periodically to see if any new ones have popped up. Send your information to editor@grantcountybeat.com and we will post it as soon as we can. Instructions and prices are on the page.

Editor's Notes

It has come to this editor's attention that people are sending information to the Grant County Beat Facebook page. Please be aware that the editor does not regularly monitor the page. If you have items you want to send to the editor, please send them to editor@grantcountybeat.com. Thanks!

Here for YOU: Consider the Beat your DAILY newspaper for up-to-date information about Grant County. It's at your fingertips! One Click to Local News. Thanks for your support for and your readership of Grant County's online news source—www.grantcountybeat.com

Feel free to notify editor@grantcountybeat.com if you notice any technical problems on the site. Your convenience is my desire for the Beat.  The Beat totally appreciates its readers and subscribers!  

Compliance: Because you are an esteemed member of The Grant County Beat readership, be assured that we at the Beat continue to do everything we can to be in full compliance with GDPR and pertinent US law, so that the information you have chosen to give to us cannot be compromised.