By Mike Bibb

"Well, I'm not dumb but I can't understand
Why she walked like a woman but talked like a man
Oh, my Lola
La-la-la-la Lola." — Lola, The Kinks, 1970
_______________________

When I entered the Marine Corps many decades ago and stepped off the bus onto the yellow footprints at the USMC Recruit Training Depot in San Diego, I had no idea what was to come next, other than it would involve hearing a lot of yelling, cursing, pushing and impetuously replying "Yes sir!" to whatever the Drill Instructor commanded.

Actually, there were four words young recruits were immediately expected to use — "Yes, sir!" and "No, sir!" That was about the extent of the English language we were allowed to say at the time.

The rest was controlled chaos, I would later realize.

The more savvy recruits would keep their thoughts to themselves, while other less enlightened fellows would occasionally express an opinion or ask a question that shouldn't have been asked.

Twenty pushups would immediately follow.

All part of the learning curve which everyone soon complied with.

At least, most everyone. A few had difficulties adjusting to the new lifestyle. Errors of their civilian thinking eventually succumbed to the realities of the situation; they were there for one reason — to be trained in the ways and skills of a Marine. Nothing else mattered.

Other than the ever-present realization Vietnam was probably several months into the future for many of them.

Keep in mind, this was during the time of the military draft, draft evaders, war protesters, and civil disobedience on college campuses was a common occurrence.

Bob Dylan sang songs about it, and other entertainers would regularly express their discontent.

"Forrest Gump" didn't come along until about 30 years later.

Something called "transitioning" or "gender dysphoria" hadn't been invented and there were no recruits claiming to be going through the process or inflicted with the disorder.

It was apparent every recruit at the Depot was a boy as each one had their head shaved and handed Marine issue uniforms, underwear, socks and other basic essentials.

We would learn Marine Corps history, extensive physical exercising, combat techniques and practice with a .308 caliber rifle called an M-14.

In the mid-1960's, the M-14 was gradually being replaced by the smaller .223 caliber M-16 battle rifle. I suppose due to a lack of availability, Marines were not familiarized with this rifle until the final few weeks of training, just before deployment.

When handed the thing, most of us thought "What are we supposed to do with this?"

"Kill the enemy. That's your job, remember?" was the standard reply from some seasoned grunt sergeant.

Over 50 years later, things have changed. Not sure if the Marines are included, but I understand other branches of the military offer various forms of entertainment, including Drag Queen performances.

When I was in the service a Drag Queen was a young lady at a local hot rod and drag race show. Obviously, an entirely different era with different word definitions.

All of this confusion has me wondering what gender young men and women entering the armed forces today should be classified: Male, Female, Trans, Neutral, ? or something else.

I suppose the easiest way to find out is by actually having the recruits undergo a simple 30-second exam involving a doctor and nurse. In addition to being medical officers, they could also corroborate each other's opinions on the sex of the recruit — to make sure no mistakes are made or misdiagnosis given.

Upon entering the examination room, the doctor/nurse will instruct the recruit to "Lower your pants and stand at attention."

"Yes, sir!" is the expected reply if the recruit appears to be a male.

"Yes, ma'am!" is the expected reply if the recruit appears to be a female.

Upon briefly gazing at the recruit's distinguishing characteristics, the doctor/nurse will then announce "Male" or "Female," and mark the information in the recruit's health record.

The recruit will then buckle his/her pants, exit the room and proceed to his or her assigned unit.

However, if, for some unexpected reason a recruit's sex cannot be determined or defined, then he/she/it/? may be detained for further examination or immediately transported to Washington, D.C. to fill any available vacancy in the U.S. Supreme Court.

Since, apparently, gender ignorance is a recognized benefit when deciding the complexities and legal applications of law.

The fact a court applicant may be confused about the differences between a man and a woman, a lack of gender knowledge is not sufficient reason for disqualification.

After all, a befuddled old man "with a poor memory" can become President and Commander-in-Chief of our nation's armed forces, and a he/she/it/? Navy captain is promoted to admiral, then surely a gender transitioning boot recruit shouldn't have any difficulty becoming a Supreme Court Justice.

If the Marines are still looking for "A few good men," they may have to begin their search in the girl's locker rooms of the local high schools, since that's where some of the guys — disguised as Susan and Judy — are now hanging out.

Side note: Marines have come a long way from the days of being known as "Teufel Hunden," German for Devil Dogs. They were bestowed this notoriety by the Germans during their spring offensive at the Battle of Belleau Wood, France, June 1-26, 1918, during World War I.

U.S. Army General John. J. Pershing commented after the fight "The deadliest weapon in the world is a United States Marine and his rifle."

Pershing also reminded us "The Battle of Belleau Wood was for the U.S. the biggest battle since Appomattox and the most considerable engagement American troops had ever had with a foreign enemy." 

Of course, if the Army insists on being "All you can be," then I guess that pretty much covers everything.

And, if Navy dudes want to wear dresses on the flight lines, they risk being blown off the decks of our aircraft carriers. An unfortunate lapse in judgement, but they'll be comfortable in their own skin until they plunge into the sea.

Hey, it's 2025 and "Lola" is the new "Battle Hymn of the Republic."

Peace out. It's gotta get better or we're in deep doo-doo. Marines can handle the bad guys — not sure about the creatures slithering around in the Swamp!!!