Nuacht Aoir
Exclusive:
Report On Aliens In The United States
To Be Released Today – April 1, 2026
The area around and including Groom Lake (the white-colored dry lakebed in the photograph) in Lincoln County, Nevada, has been known by other names, including “Area 51.” According to former President Barack Obama, no aliens are “…being kept in Area 51.” (The photograph was provided courtesy of the United States Geological Survey, 2026.)
Nuacht Aoir has learned – exclusively – that President Donald Trump will release the “Report of the Newcomers” later today, April 1, 2026.
Nuacht Aoir was given access – exclusively – to this report during the past month.
We can now report that it is astounding what the Federal government has withheld from the American people during the past 140 years.
Let’s step back for a moment on how we got to this momentous day.
On February 15, 2026, former President Barack Obama revealed that aliens exist.
Please note that he wasn’t speaking of individuals from foreign nations living without documentation in the United States of America – illegal aliens. Instead, former President Obama was speaking about those that have arrived in the USA from other planets.
Yes, those aliens.
On February 16, 2026, former President Obama indicated that he had not personally seen any evidence that aliens “…have made contact with us.”
It appeared that events were fast approaching what had happened almost 14 years ago.
On May 6, 2012, former Vice President Joseph Biden announced that he supported same-sex marriage. His statement came three days before then-President Obama made a similar announcement on May 9, 2012.
On February 19, 2026 – three days after the “clarification” from former President Obama – President Trump announced that he was directing Federal governmental officials to identify and release “…governmental files related to alien and extraterrestrial life, unidentified aerial phenomena (UAP), and unidentified flying objects (UFOs), and any and all other information connected to these highly complex, but extremely interesting and important, matters.”
Nuacht Aoir was aware that President Trump had already made the decision to release the “Report of the Newcomers” this year, but wanted to secure a victory first in Iran prior to releasing the report.
The statements from former President Obama appear to have encouraged President Trump to move up the release date – much as the statement from former Vice President Biden appeared to have “encouraged” then-President Obama to announce his support for same-sex marriage.
Now for some of the details in the “Report of the Newcomers”:
One of the biggest disclosures in this report: Former President (and former Vice President) Biden is an alien.
He doesn’t have any loss of mental acuity or any difficulties with his mental faculties. The alien species he is from does not have mental defects. Instead, his alien species evidently has to have a “brain tune-up” on a regular basis; in Earth time, the report indicates that the “brain tune-up” is to be done every 182 days, 3 hours, 17 minutes. If the “brain tune-up” is not done in a timely manner, the alien appears to suffer from an alien disease similar to human dementia. As with humans on some days, an alien that has not yet had a “brain tune-up” in a timely manner appears to be a “normal” alien, while on other days, the alien appears to be a human with mental defects.
The report indicated that the individual alien responsible for “brain tune-ups” in this sector of the universe has not been available for at least 28 human years.
As for Area 51, Nuacht Aoir has learned, is not home to any aliens.
It is true that a small group of aliens who came to Earth in 1886 were shown sites in what is now called “Area 51” by officials with the Administration of then-President Grover Cleveland. Nevada had become a state 22 years earlier, and Federal officials determined that that state needed additional population to grow its economy. Officials with the Administration of then-President Cleveland thought the aliens would help grow the economy of the Silver State.
The aliens, according to the “Report of the Newcomers,” were repulsed by the idea of living in such an environment. One of the aliens was quoted as stating that the idea of living in or next to a dry lake was not acceptable.
Instead, the aliens asked to visit some other sites where waterbodies – like lakes – actually had water.
Officials with the Administration of then-President Cleveland escorted the aliens to Delaware. The aliens, according to the “Report of the Newcomers,” found the shores of the Delaware Bay to be quite nice.
The aliens started arriving in large numbers in 1887, but it turned out that the “love” of Delaware and the “disdain” for Nevada were just cover stories for the aliens.
The aliens did “like” Delaware, but the aliens saw their future, according to the “Report of the Newcomers,” to be elsewhere. In particular, the aliens enjoyed spending time during the Earth (northern latitudes) winters in Arizona and spending time during the Earth (northern latitudes) summers in Colorado. California was also a locale of interest to the aliens.
Several groups of aliens moved – quietly – from Delaware to an area about 85 miles south of Groom Lake. While the aliens are not credited with the founding of Las Vegas, they were evidently quite active in the sectors of that local economy related to gaming – but not gaming itself.
The “Report of the Newcomers” indicated that aliens have been active in the glassware, linens, curtains, carpeting, furniture, bedding, and liquor industries.
Beyond the information about Las Vegas – the one in Nevada, not the one in New Mexico – another interesting note about the entertainment industry is included in the “Report of the Newcomers.”
The aliens were quite active in the communications industry, including with film movies. The aliens, according to the “Report of the Newcomers,” wanted to control what humans heard and saw in film movies.
“Hollywood” was not the name initially planned by the aliens for the film industry, according to the report. Instead, the aliens liked the name “Rough and Ready,” but the United States Post Office did not want any additional “Rough and Ready” towns in California; Rough and Ready, California, already existed in Nevada County, California.
Nuacht Aoir has also learned – exclusively – that the “Report of the Newcomers” does not include everything about aliens on Earth.
Members of the Zombie ethnic group living in the Borough of ei-Zombiestan – officially only in a section of the Aldo Leopold Wilderness of the Gila National Forest, but also likely in portions of the Gila Wilderness of the Gila National Forest – are, in fact, aliens.
Readers of Nuacht Aoir might recall that then-President Biden transferred 268.8 acres of land from the jurisdiction of the U S Department of Agriculture to oversight by the U S Department of Homeland Security. This land then became the homeland for members of the Zombie ethnic group – the Borough of ei-Zombiestan.
When asked by Nuacht Aoir why no notation was made of the Zombie ethnic group in the “Report of the Newcomers,” an official with the Administration of President Trump explained that leaders among the aliens did not want any association with the Zombie ethnic group.
(Please note that the official with the Administration of President Trump was allowed to remain anonymous for this news column because they did not have the authority to discuss relations between the Federal government and aliens.)
It appears that the leaders of the main group of aliens have been upset by the members of the Zombie ethnic group openly practicing one of the routine habits of aliens: the eating of human brains. According to the official with the Administration of President Trump, aliens have taken on human characteristics so that they can blend in with humans. Aliens that eat too many brains, however, no longer have characteristics of “regular” humans; instead, those aliens turn into what we call “zombies.”
“Aliens came to Earth because they liked the taste of human brains,” explained the official with the Administration of President Trump. “The aliens have a sensitive palate. They have millions of taste buds on both of their tongues when they’re in the alien state. Evidently, aliens like to consume human brains but prefer to do so in private.”
“We’ve found that aliens have perfected a device that removes small portions of a human brain without the human realizing that any brain has been removed,” the official with the Administration of President Trump continued. “Our Great Leader made the decision to not include any reference to the taste for brains or the relationship to the Zombie ethnic group in the ‘Report of the Newcomers’ because of the concern that the aliens have not yet consumed enough human brains in key sections of the United States.”
When asked if the downward trend in educational levels and the loss of productivity in the United States have been caused by the aliens, the official with the Administration of President Trump declined comment.
Nuacht Aoir will continue to strive to keep residents of Catron, Grant, Hidalgo, and Luna Counties aware of the aliens amongst us and to determine if the consumption of human brains by the aliens is the reason for the lowering levels of intelligence and less productivity within the United States.
In the meantime, for further information about the “Report of the Newcomers,” please click here.
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© 2026 Richard McDonough
