Nuacht Aoir
Leprechaun International Convention
Near Lordsburg
2024
Previous rainbows, like this one seen over Silver City, have encouraged leaders of the leprechaun community to meet again in Southwest New Mexico. (The photograph was provided courtesy of Terry Wood.)
The leprechauns have again gathered for their international meeting in Southwest New Mexico.
Nuacht Aoir has learned – exclusively – that the Leprechaun International Convention is taking place today, Saint Patrick’s Day, near Lordsburg. This is the third year that the leprechauns have convened in the region. In 2022, the leprechauns met in Silver City, and in 2023, the convention took place in Catron County.
Donnchadha the Leprechaun, agreed to a short in-person interview early this morning at an undisclosed location near Lordsburg.
(Leprechauns only have one name; a few prominent leprechauns are allowed to add “the Leprechaun” to their name. Donnchadha is one of the more prominent Irish leprechauns.)
In previous interviews, Donnchadha relayed that the concentration of rainbows in Southwest New Mexico was a major reason the leprechauns first came to the region a few years ago. The number of rainbows that have appeared here continue to intrigue the leprechauns.
“We still don’t know why the rainbows occur more frequently in Southwest New Mexico as compared to Dublin or Sligo in our native Ireland,” stated Donnchadha this morning while visiting near Lordsburg. “We know there were large amounts of kilos of gold mined here in past years. We are determined to find the pots where that gold has been placed.”
When asked if the leprechauns were using Artificial Intelligence (AI) to locate the likely appearances of rainbows and the locations of pots of gold, Donnchadha became angry.
(Nuacht Aoir must note that Donnchadha always appears to be angry, though Nuacht Aoir is reticent to focus on that cultural trait lest our dear readers consider Nuacht Aoir to be discriminatory against the leprechaun ethnic group. But truth be told, leprechauns are nasty. Donnchadha was even more emphatic in his negative view of area residents – actually, of all human beings – in this interview than he was last year.)
“We leprechauns have utilized AI for years,” Donnchadha confirmed this morning. “You humanoids are so stupid. We were the originators of the computer code for AI.”
“The AI that you stupid humanoids are using was designed by our top leprechauns to create havoc within your society,” Donnchadha continued. “Why do you think there’s a green tint in all photos and videos created through AI? You stupid humanoids don’t even notice the green tint because your eyesight is so primitive. We leprechauns, though, are able to separate reality from AI because we can see the green tint quite well.”
According to Donnchadha, the leprechauns are able to flood the communication systems with these forms of AI to, as Donnchadha stated, “motivate the humanoids to dance the Irish jig.” In other words, to do what the leprechauns want.
“Your world is going to #$%!,” said Donnchadha. “A half-gallon of ice cream hasn’t been a half gallon for years and you stupid humanoids still call it a ‘half gallon.’ You humanoids can’t even produce your coinage to make money. You stupid *&^@ humanoids.”Nuacht Aoir, unfortunately, must confirm to our dear readers that Donnchadha is correct.
When was the last time, dear readers, did you say “I’m going to the grocery store to buy 48 ounces of ice cream”?
(A half-gallon of ice cream should have 64 ounces of ice cream to be a true half-gallon. Two quarts equal a half-gallon. If the package only holds 48 ounces, it’s not a half-gallon or two quarts; it’s actually only one-and-a-half quarts.)
The coinage example cited by Donnchadha is even worse.
According to the “2022 Biennial Report to Congress as Required by the Coin Modernization, Oversight, and Continuity Act of 2010” issued by United States Mint, U S Department of the Treasury, the unit costs for Fiscal Year (FY) 2022 were 2.72 cents for a penny coin and 10.41 cents for a nickel coin.
In other words, it costs almost 3 times the value of a penny to produce a penny and it costs more than 2 times the value of a nickel to produce a nickel.
This report from the U S Mint indicated that FY 2022 was the 17th consecutive fiscal year that penny coins and nickel coins cost more to produce than the coins were actually worth.
“You humanoids are so stupid,” Donnchadha commented. “For 17 years, you’ve continued to spend your money on such coinage. Imagine the waste you humanoids create. The amount of money you spend on clothing you throw out. The amount of time you spend surfing our internet. The amount of time you text. The amount of food you eat and then the amount of pharmaceuticals you use to get rid of the fat you gain in weight.”
“All we leprechauns can say is ‘you’re welcome,’” Donnchadha concluded.
Donnchadha again offered to “correct” the AI being peddled by Silicon Valley if…if the people of Earth meet the demands of the leprechauns with “proper” compensation.
What exactly do the leprechauns consider “proper” compensation?
“Have the stupid humanoid leaders transfer all of the gold on this planet to Donnchadha the Leprechaun, care of County Sligo in Ireland,” stated Donnchadha.
“We leprechauns will then provide the code to update the AI in select areas,” Donnchadha continued. “Of course, we leprechauns will hold back some of the code so that you stupid humanoids will understand that the leprechauns intend to have you stupid humanoids dance the Irish jig whenever we choose.”
As an olive branch – maybe better described as a twig that doesn’t bend – Donnchadha also offered to force all ice cream producers to include a half gallon of ice cream in a half-gallon package of ice cream and to lower the costs of producing a penny coin and a nickel coin so that the U S Mint could actually make money on those coins.
“We leprechauns are prepared to help you stupid humanoids,” Donnchadha stated. “We expect that the additional ice cream you stupid humanoids will eat will help produce fatter humanoids that will need the pharmaceuticals manufactured by leprechaun-controlled businesses. We leprechauns will continue to profit from you stupid humanoids.”
With those words – and a few more choice ones that would likely offend the tender sensibilities of our dear readers – Donnchadha left the interview on his way to the Leprechaun International Convention.
Happy Saint Patrick’s Day!
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