By Charles Rein

 Have you ever attended a Republican rally and saw something you didn't like? How about this man? He's a fit male, latino, age 70+ with a full head of hair like a handsome "Siver Fox". You have no problem with him as a person. What you DO have a problem with is WHAT he is wearing! A white and blue shirt. It's the words on his shirt which enrage you. Those words at the top of his shirt is a name which rhymes with Billary and begins with an "H". The shirt contains more words. HILLARY for...

And he's wearing this at a pro-Trump rally too. Now would you ignore the man wearing this shirt? Or would you saunter up like John Wayne and give him a piece of your mind.

I share this story is because it's true! I know this politically active, pro-Trump supporter who wore this political shirt to several Trump rallies. What a few Republicans who approached him ready to give him a "piece of their mind" failed to comprehend was the additional information.

Why? Were they tired? Lazy? Perhaps. But more to the point that they were so furious that their brain simply shut down. Their mind "clicked OFF". I call this being intellectually hijacked.

Do you understand your own brain?

In trying to have a constructive conversation on politics (with a friend or family member from the other political party) sometimes in the middle of the heated conversation their brain suddenly clicks "OFF". Of course, this never happens to us (said sarcastically). That causes more frustration than a child in costume the night of October 31, hoping for a full sized candy bar, yet recieving a healthy looking appple. Or a toothbrush!

You can't have an "intelligent conversation" when a person's brain is clicked OFF. Back to the words on the shirt. What would you have done at the Trump rally? Not said anything? Glare at him? Or would you have simply continued reading? The shirt worn did NOT say, "Hillary for President" which is what some pro-Trump Republicans actually assumed. If you had taken a deep breath and calmly continued reading, you'd seen that the shirt actually read:

HILLARY
for

prison.

I use this story because it reminds me of another misunderstood situation. Recently a leading Republican in my community (won't say her name) and I got into a sort of heated email where I suspect her brain was hijacked. I want to save you the ache of being misunderstood as I feel I was treated. Yes, if I was her husband, I'd think twice before paying the ransom.

My friend and I had lent her a item.

After several months this item had not been returned. We waited further. Weeks went by, then months. How long do you give someone after several gentle reminders?

It was decided she'd have to pay for the item. An email was sent out informing her of this responbility to pay. Yet, you'd think her female brain had gone haywire, with sparks flying out of her head like a Fourth of July show.

The email succeeded in grabbing her attention. But it only got the attention of her reptile "fight or fight" brain. She grew pugnaciois. She wasn't open to reason or even further conversation. Her mouth was running like the boxer Clubber Lang in the movie, Rocky 3 and like his character (portrayed by Mr. T) she wasn't afraid to tell us off:

"I have to be more careful with people like you…as you have just tried to give me a guilt trip... You, however, have raised my ire!"

...Blessings upon you?" You must be kidding to hide behind the posture of a priest! When harassment is cloaked in bible verses, it is a losing argument. The conversation is done. I expect no more bullying for a bill I never got, nor deserved.

 Our email notice, which we sent as a reminder, was not greeted logically. The thinking process of her brain simply shut down. She went from using her whole cortext, to one tiny nut shaped part of the brain. That tiny part is what what highly trained neuroscientists educatingly call the "reptile brain" Maybe you've encountered a similar situation in talking with a liberal neighbor or family member over a hot button topic. As regular people say in scientific terms, they "went bananas!!"

What do you do? Sometimes in that situation, you can't do anything. Yet both sides can take a deep breath and walk away before immediately sending out a hateful message. We can learn to control our thinking. Like a Texas cowboy, we can learn to skillfully ride. So how do you skillfully ride the anger demon?

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/anger-management/art-20045434

Anger management: 10 tips to tame your temper - Mayo Clinic

Once you're calm, express your concerns. As soon as you're thinking clearly, express your frustration in an assertive but in a non-confrontational way. State your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them.

1. Take a time out

2. Identify possible solutions

3. Stick with "I" statement such as, "I felt misunderstood" rather than "You were an idiot for forgetting our anniversary!"

4. Don't hold a grudge

5. Use humor to release tension

Thanks to the Grant County Beat, I have a soapbox. I can share this story. I can hope to save you the same trouble. Will my experience encourage you to be more aware of your own brain? These strategies can help, but we must practice them. Together we can learn how to listen - even with someone who disagrees with us. We can become more skilled in how we respond and not take things personally. Most importantly let us realize we may not have all the infornation immediately and take a few more moments to calm ourselves in order to take in more information. Sometimes this information is actually right there, staring back at us, on a shirt at a rally.