Nuacht Aoir

Leprechaun International Convention Meeting In New Mexico

A double rainbow was seen over Quemado Lake in the Quemado Ranger District of the Gila National Forest. (The photograph was provided courtesy of the United States Forest Service, October 4, 2007.)

Nuacht Aoir has learned – exclusively – that the Leprechaun International Convention is taking place today, Saint Patrick's Day, in New Mexico. This is the second year that the leprechauns have convened in the region. Last year, it was in Silver City. This year, the convention is taking place in Catron County.

"We enjoyed ourselves last year in Grant County," stated Donnchadha the Leprechaun. "But we found some intriguing signs that the area north of Silver City might be even more exciting."

(Leprechauns only have one name; a few prominent leprechauns are allowed to add "the Leprechaun" to their name. Donnchadha is one of the more prominent Irish leprechauns.)

Donnchadha said that Caoimhe the Leprechaun found a photo – seen at the top of this news column – that showed a double rainbow over Quemado Lake in the Quemado Ranger District of the Gila National Forest.

Donnchadha noted that Caoimhe was the lesser leprechaun who found the photo last year of a rainbow over Hell's Half Acre in northwest Grant County. It was through that photo – taken of a 2021 rainbow – that Grant County was identified as the best location for the Leprechaun International Convention in 2022.

It was because of Caoimhe's leadership in finding evidence of a double rainbow in Catron County that Caoimhe was able to become a prominent leprechaun and secure the right to add "the Leprechaun" to their name.

"We're quite pleased with the research efforts of Caoimhe," said Donnchadha. "It should be known, though, that after 273 years, it really was about time for Caoimhe to step up and use their talents to benefit me and the other prominent leprechauns."

When Nuacht Aoir informed Donnchadha that a "global citizen" named "Caoimhe" had been one of the first 31 to register for pre-early access to the Bing AI Chatbot, Donnchadha's pointy ears got even more pointed.

Donnchadha asked "what is 'pre-early access' and what is a 'global citizen'?"

Nuacht Aoir explained that before Microsoft announced anything about AI coming to the Bing search engine, the company offered "pre-early access" to select "global citizens." That Nuacht Aoir was able to divine that a "global citizen" named "Caoimhe" had been selected to have access to the AI chatbot before almost anyone else in the world even knew that artificial intelligence was coming to search engines.

As for who these "global citizens" were and how they were selected, Nuacht Aoir found that this was a catch-phrase used to identify those who were seen as leaders of the future.

When told that, Donnchadha got incensed.

"How dare those Silicon Valley folks think they can determine the future leaders within the leprechaun community," Donnchadha screeched. "Only we prominent leprechauns are able to choose our future leaders."

When informed that Microsoft was not headquartered in the Silicon Valley, Donnchadha got even more upset.

"Who the #$%## cares where that AI chatbot is located," Donnchadha screamed. "They're all the same. Stupid humanoids who think they have more knowledge than the leprechauns. We've had AI for generations."

"If it turns out that Caoimhe provided our AI codes to those dastardly humanoids, there will be #$%## to pay," Donnchadha continued. "The leprechauns will not stand for cultural-appropriation by the humanoids."

Donnchadha then scurried out the doggie door – sorry, the "main entrance" – to the building where Donnchadha met with Nuacht Aoir.

About four-and-a-half hours later, Donnchadha returned through the dogg… – sorry again, the "main entrance" – to continue the exclusive interview with Nuacht Aoir.

Donnchadha's demeanor had changed from one of anger to one that seemed quite happy.

"Caoimhe had been leading a quiet campaign to lay the groundwork for the destruction of the humanoids," Donnchadha explained. "The stupid humanoids released that AI chatbot on their own kind."

"Our team of leprechauns had prepared a variety of computer code that would advance the leprechaun heritage," Donnchadha continued. "Caoimhe was tasked with the responsibility to add the code to the AI chatbot. Caoimhe was able to maneuver to get 'pre-early access' and offered 'helpful suggestions' to make the AI chatbot even better. The humanoids ate it up."

Donnchadha meant that literally.

"Caoimhe had put the code in some 'special herb' that was offered to the humanoids," stated Donnchadha. "After toking – that's what you humanoids call it, right? – on the 'special herb,' the humanoids added the leprechaun code to the AI chatbot."

Donnchadha said that "We're quite pleased with the efforts of Caoimhe."

When asked for specifics on the impact of the leprechaun computer code, Donnchadha declined to provide specifics.

Donnchadha, though, did say "Look at your humanoid world. Think of all of the things that have occurred in the past year or so. All we leprechauns can say is 'you're welcome.'"

Donnchadha then indicated that computer code to "correct" the current AI chatbot could be provided by the leprechauns with "proper" compensation.

"Just let the stupid humanoid leaders transfer all of the gold on this planet to Donnchadha the Leprechaun, care of County Sligo in Ireland," stated Donnchadha. "I'll make sure that Caoimhe slips the 'correct' computer code in some new 'special herb' for you humanoids. Well, maybe we'll provide some of the 'correct' computer code. Holding some code back might be a worthwhile strategic move to protect our leprechaun heritage."

In trying to return the interview back to the Leprechaun International Convention, Donnchadha was asked why a double rainbow from years ago would be important today.

"You humanoids are so stupid," Donnchadha stated. "What did I tell you stupid humanoid last year? That even the wombats and the wolverines know that we hide our pots of gold at the end of rainbows. And you humanoids think you run this world? You're stupid. Even for a humanoid, you're truly stupid."

When asked why he was so rude, Donnchadha commented that "it's not rude to point out the truth. While the typical humanoid is stupid, we leprechauns know that Nuacht Aoir is even more stupid."

With that spike of rudeness from Donnchadha, the prominent leprechaun left the interview again.

In the last few days, Nuacht Aoir has become aware of a number of thefts of green beer in Catron, Grant, and Hidalgo Counties. While we cannot confirm that the leprechauns are responsible, it's similar to a pattern of thefts seen in the region in the days before Saint Patrick's Day in 2022.

It appears that the leprechauns are likely going to have a grand Saint Patrick's Day in Catron County in 2023.

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!

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Contact Richard McDonough at nuachtaoir@protonmail.com.

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© 2023 Richard McDonough