Nuacht Aoir
Federal officials are considering placing signs like this around Grant County. (The photograph was provided courtesy of Alan Levine, October 17, 2017.)
The loss of land in Grant County is troubling to many, but leaders of the United States of America indicated that this loss is actually an opportunity for the nation to help an ethnic group that has borne the brunt of systemic discrimination for generations in this country.
In Part One of Zombie Territory In Grant County, Nuacht Aoir detailed that the Federal government has decreased the size of Grant County – that part of Grant County has disappeared.
Nuacht Aoir is now able to report that the Borough of ei-Zombiestan has been created in the northern section of what was once considered part of Grant County. The Borough is under direct control of the Federal government.
The new governmental entity was created from lands that had been previously included in Aldo Leopold Wilderness of the Gila National Forest.
While no one at The White House will officially comment on the record, Nuacht Aoir has viewed an Executive Order issued by President Joseph (Joe) Biden. In this Executive Order, the President transferred 268.8 acres of land from the jurisdiction of the U S Department of Agriculture to oversight by the U S Department of Homeland Security.
“Our Great Leader – President Joe Biden – made the decision to grant self-determination that had been long-sought by the Zombie ethnic group,” stated a top official of the Biden-Harris Administration in an off-the record interview with Nuacht Aoir. “Land that was formerly part of Grant County has been set aside for the ZLAFC – the ei-Zombie-ei ei-Liberation-ei ei-And-ei ei-Freedom-ei ei-Coalition-ei.”
(As noted in Part One, we have learned that Zombies add an “ei” to the beginning and the end of every word translated from ei-Zombie-ei – the official language of the Zombie ethnic group – to American English.)
“Upon taking office, President Biden was briefed by the former occupant of the Oval Office,” the top official with the Biden-Harris Administration continued. “He was told of the secret negotiations that had been underway with the ZLAFC. Our Great Leader, President Joe Biden, then directed Vice President [Kamala] Harris to continue the negotiations and select an area of the country that could be provided to the Zombie ethnic group.”
(Editor’s Note: While the top official of the Biden-Harris Administration did not want to explicitly mention the former President by name, they were referring to President Donald Trump. And, yes, “they” is “their” preferred pronoun.)
Vice President Harris, Nuacht Aoir has learned, initially wanted to transfer large amounts of territory in select Congressional districts to the Zombie ethnic group. In particular, she considered lands in Kentucky, South Dakota, and West Virginia. Several of the districts initially considered were ones that “could use some diversity,” according to a source that asked for anonymity due to their views not necessarily being accepted by the majority of Americans in those districts (or throughout the country).
When told by members of the Zombie ethnic group that they did not want to get assimilated into any groupings identified by the Federal government, Nuacht Aoir has learned, the Vice President instead focused on areas close to the southern border of the U S.
“Our Great Vice President Harris determined that Grant County did not need this wilderness land any longer within its borders,” stated the top official with the Biden-Harris Administration. “Since the Federal government already controlled the land through the USDA, it was a simple process to transfer the ground to the control of the freedom-loving folks at the U S Department of Homeland Security.”
While the initial size of the Borough of ei-Zombiestan may seem small at 268.8 acres, the Zombie ethnic group has plans for robust growth in the coming days.
Nuacht Aoir is now able to report – exclusively – that the first members of the Zombie ethnic group have been moved into a forested area near the Mimbres River. Within moments of their release – sorry, their “resettlement” – in the Borough of ei-Zombiestan, the Zombies scattered into the wilderness.
“I never saw anything like it before,” stated a member of the detail from the U S Department of Homeland Security. “They just started running from their cages – sorry, their ‘well-appointed vehicles’ – towards the wooded area. Then, just as quickly, they stopped and stared blankly at the sky; it looked like they were smelling the air. All of a sudden, they turned back towards where we were standing and started to race towards us.”
“Most of us were able to get back on the black helicopters,” the member of the detail from the U S Department of Homeland Security continued. “Unfortunately, though, several of our folks did not run quick enough. Some tripped on tree branches on the ground. It was a terrible scene. One of our fine older workers got grabbed as they were hanging on to one of the copters as it took off.”
The official stated that he was disgusted by what he saw.
“I had never seen a Zombie eat before,” explained the member of the detail from the U S Department of Homeland Security. “You know, they didn’t even wash their hands first or say any prayers. They just started eating. No utensils – just using their hands. I didn’t notice if they used napkins to wipe their mouths.”
When Nuacht Aoir asked The White House to comment on the loss of life, we received a terse response:
“Several members of a detail working in the U S Department of Homeland Security in the Borough of ei-Zombiestan made the voluntary decision to stay and join the Zombie ethnic group. Our Great Leader, President Joe Biden, welcomes their efforts to bring together our two peoples.”
A follow-up question from Nuacht Aoir then asked The White House when Vice President Harris might visit the newly-created Borough, the response was even more opaque:
“Our Great Vice President, Kamala Harris, will review her schedule and will decide when it is convenient for her to visit the Borough of ei-Zombiestan. She congratulates the Zombie ethnic group for their forward-thinking approach to the future.”
Nuacht Aoir has learned that what The White House is calling a “forward-thinking approach” may involve substantial expansion of the Borough of ei-Zombiestan into additional territory now within Grant County as well as a large section of Catron County.
As information is secured on the plans of the ZLAFC, count on Nuacht Aoir to report the facts to the people of southwest New Mexico.
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Contact Richard McDonough at nuachtaoir@protonmail.com.
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© 2023 Richard McDonough