By Mike Rowse

How about some random thoughts and observations for this week?

I have spent my fair share of time in taverns, bars, dives, whatever you want to call them. You know what men normally talk about when they are sober? Boobs, sports, women, video games, boobs again. When they get drunk the topics change to politics, religion, science, life, culture and of course the impact on our society of boobs.

I was sent an example of a test given to elementary school kids, a math test. The questions was, 'Bob has 36 candy bars. He eats 29. What does he have now?' My answer, diabetes. Bob has diabetes.

Put a pair of shoes on the rack for $100, and nary a woman will buy them. Put the very same pair of shoes on the rack but mark them down from $200 to $100, and women will stampeed over one another to get them first.

Speaking of shoes, The Wizard of Oz is the ultimate chick flick. Think about it, it's two women trying to kill each other over a pair of shoes.

"I wish I could meet a guy like you" means, "I want a guy that treats me like you do, but who's not as ugly."

Did you ever notice that no one goes out drinking, has a few shots and then does something noble? You always end up doing something that you wouldn't normally do sober, but it's never something to be especially proud of. It's not like you hit the tequila and went out to build low income housing. Usually you get wasted, wake up the next morning and think, "what did I do last night? I think I'm going to need a new identity."

Asking someone, "where are you?" is a relatively recent phenomena. Before we had mobile phones, the only way to talk to someone was to know where they were.

Do you realize, you will be the last person to die in your lifetime?

I was driving through a parking lot earlier this week, turned a corner and saw a man walking down the middle of the travel lane. He saw me, clearly as he waved at me. But did he move to either side to let my vehicle pass? I don't think it ever crossed his mind. That's a future Darwin Award nominee waiting to happen.

Future Darwin Award nominee part two: a young man was in front of me walking into a building. Two sets of doors are available. Three men are standing in the doorway on the left, with one man on a ladder hitting the closing mechanism with a hammer because apparently duct tape wouldn't fix it. There is very little to no room to pass by them. The doorway on the right is completely free of obstacles. You guessed it, he tried to squeeze by the ladder and get into the building. He will likely die after saying, "hold my beer..."

One of the most annoying things in the world is getting in bed, crawling under the covers and being so comfortable, then realizing you left the remote control on the dresser.

When you say the word 'crisp' it moves from the back of your mouth to the front of your mouth as you speak.

How far back in history do you have to go until it's considered archaeology and not grave robbing?

You just said 'crisp' didn't you?

If you visit a Bald Eagle in a zoo, you are looking at the symbol of freedom in captivity.

If a job ad says, "Must be fluent in Spanis," why isn't the ad printed in Spanish to weed out the pretenders?

Have a great weekend, and we'll be back pontificating on local issues next week.